During the darkest season of my life, most of my struggles came from avoidant behavior.
Somehow I bought into the false belief that supressing my feelings would help keep the peace…. But that couldnt have been further from the truth…. Instead of having difficult conversations, I ran from them. As disgusting as it sounds, I grew accustomed to dysfunctional living, and quite frankly I expected it. It became familiar to me and I feared to leave it….
… Then my world imploded…
… Then life, as I knew it, was over….
…. I had no more need to pretend and I had no other choice but to be honest, open, and vulnerable with who I was, what I was feeling, and what I was choosing to do with the rest of my life.
The transition to honesty has been healing. Although it hasn’t been accepted by everyone, it has given me the margin that I needed to create the life that God desires for me to have. I no longer am imprisoned by the expectations of others. I also no longer threatened by someone elses opinions. In fact, I can navigate this life with the understanding that, as a human, dissapointing others is inevitable. Therefore, I feel free to communicate what is in my heart without fear, I am free to think about how I want to respond to others without the need to immediately react, and I understand that the path to growth involves a certain level of discomfort.
My life is far from perfect. Nevertheless, I am living each day with the expectation that I will be one step closer to the person that God created me to be.