From the age of 17-20, I was extremely suicidal. Most people were unaware of this because I hid my inner turmoil behind a big smile. But the pain was real and it eventually became more than I could bear….. but just when I was ready to throw in the towel, I had a profound God-encounter that fueled my broken heart with healing and hope.
Armored with newfound purpose, I finally began to speak of the trauma that I had been raised to be ashamed of. I spoke of how I had lost hope, but how my faith had brought me back to life. That is….. until my pastor called me into his office and said, “John, you can’t be talking about those things, or else the guys are going to think badly of you.”
I wish that I could tell you that I had ignored him. But sadly, I allowed his words to echo in my thoughts for the years that followed.
Part of me wishes that I could go back in time and backhand that man for making me feel so small.
Part of me wishes that I could go back in time and backhand myself for listening to him.
But the “me” that is now grounded in reality, understands that what was said to me that day was wrong.
Today, I give myself permission to feel.
Today, I give myself permission to grieve.
Today, I give myself permission to tell my story.
Today, I give myself permission to heal.
Today, I give myself permission to be.
Today, I pray that you give yourself permission too.
𝘊𝘰𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘏𝘶𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘴
[𝐁𝐃²] • 𝐁𝐞 • 𝐃𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦 • 𝐁𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐯𝐞 • 𝐃𝐨 •