Healing my Grief (Day2)

I find some mornings more difficult to wake up to than others.
Today was one of those days.

Perhaps it was the Melatonin I took the night before. Or perhaps it was the overwhelming feeling of loss that I was experiencing. Nevertheless, had my cousin not called placed a mid-morning phone call to me, I may have slept way past noon.

The first thing I felt in the morning was a pang in my stomach that I’ve been carrying for most of this year. The pang usually shows up without warning and is accompanied by a strong desire to cry, but with an inability to shed tears. I made it through my cousin’s phone call and breakfast with the pang’s relentless presence. It wasn’t until I was alone in the shower that the tears began to roll down my face and I was able to experience relief.

As I tuned into my body I heard an aching narrative, one that said “I am overwhelmed and the world is exhausting.” Because of that, I opted to stay home, listen to music, hydrate, relax, and minimize the noise around me. I’m listening in, paying attention to changes in my autonomic state, and anchoring into safety.

I am present. I am here. I am in.

Unapologetically yours,

John Eli

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4 Comments

  1. Thanks for sharing so honestly about your grief. It’s obvious you have been through a difficult time. My mother passed away in November (not directly COVID relate), and I know I have not been as productive or active as I would like. God is bringing comfort and healing (2 Corinthians 1:3-7). May God continue to bless you and minister to you through this difficult season.

    Liked by 1 person

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