This evening, I had the privilege of coaching a young man from South Asia who was struggling to process grief. Our conversation was empowering for both of us. As we prepared to end our call I asked him what his biggest takeaway from our conversation was. He stated, “𝘛𝘰𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘐 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘬𝘦𝘯. 𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘢 𝘩𝘶𝘮𝘢𝘯 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴. 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘴.”
From the age of 17-20, I was extremely suicidal. Most people were unaware of this because I hid my inner turmoil behind a big smile. But the pain was real and it eventually became more than I could bear…..
All healthy relationships make space to engage in a balance of conversation that celebrates good and that confronts the bad.
I don’t share this out of spite, unforgiveness, or to give anyone a bad name.
Nor do I share this to gain attention or sympathy.
I share because for years I allowed the influence of others to silence me.
I share this because I traded the narrative of truth for a false narrative of positivity.
I share this because there were points in my life where I believed that I was better off dead than alive.
As I’ve worked through my trauma, one of the common phrases that I’ve heard people say is, “You need to get over it already.”
However, there is no way to “get over” trauma.
You see…..trauma isn’t an event….
Trauma is something that happens inside of you.
I’m a firm believer that I will not always find myself surrounded by the people that I expected to have around me….. Nevertheless, I will always find myself surrounded by the people who were divinely appointed to wall the journey of life with me at any given moment in time
𝐄𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐡𝐲, 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐭, 𝐢𝐬 𝐮𝐧𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜.
At that point, I knew that his personal convictions were not based on reality and that meeting with him was causing more harm to me than good.