For years, I gave people the power to define masculinity for me. This confused the heck out of me. Truth is, I’ve been given an example of who I want to model my life after….
I remember that for several weeks I found myself telling God that there were specific things that I had been praying about for years that he had never answered. I found myself telling Him that I was unwilling to take any steps further until I saw that He was willing to answer my prayers
I had never witnessed death knocking at the door of someone’s life before. I was also very clueless as to how ugly and cruel death could be.
In my failures I always encounter grace. Grace changes my outlook. It causes me to renounce any temptation to assume that I am better than others, and it inspires me to demonstrate grace as well.
“Stop expecting people to fill the place in your heart that was designed for only God to fill.”
The thought that people didn’t care about us was constantly reinforced by the actions of others. My heart became like a broken bone that never set properly. It stopped working correctly and healed around bitterness, instead of forgiveness.
The only thing worse than feeling unloved, is being loved and accepted for being someone that is not the real you.
There was a time in my life when I literally hated the sound of my name. Somewhere, in the dark corridors of my mind, I created a story of shame. The story of shame included the sound of my name.
I rushed home, buried my face in my pillow, & began to cry... I felt as if I was losing control. I felt alone. I felt less-than. I felt shame. I wasn’t supposed to feel this way. Why me? I was trapped in a shell of perpetual fear.
... for a brief moment, I experienced the agony that Jesus felt as he carried the weight of our sin to the cross. I felt waves of sadness, heartache, and disappointment... Yet, at the same time I was overtaken by a Tsunami of love…..
My desire for each of you, is that you would love yourself, regardless of where you are currently at in your journey. My prayer is that you would not allow life’s embarrassing moments to define you. No circumstance, relationship, decision, or lack of movement should have the power to define you. Own where you have been. Own where you are going. Own your choices. Own it all!
Shame is an enemy that you can’t ignore.....
I am loved. I am forgiven. I am redeemed. My life has meaning. My life has purpose. I am not a mistake. I am not my past. My best days are yet to come. God is not finished with me. He has my heart and I belong to him.