Feelings can be used as a launching pad that sends you on a pathway towards redemption, restoration, and change. However, if not dealt with, feelings can hold you prisoner to the things you hate most.
The urgency to make a decision became louder by the minute. I hadn’t yet settled on a response and didn’t know how to go about it. Any decision would be difficult. There were two paths that lay before me. Both were difficult to face.
My life has been filled with people who have “lovingly” tried to tell me “how to feel”, “when to feel”, and “what not to feel.”
I remember that for several weeks I found myself telling God that there were specific things that I had been praying about for years that he had never answered. I found myself telling Him that I was unwilling to take any steps further until I saw that He was willing to answer my prayers
In my failures I always encounter grace. Grace changes my outlook. It causes me to renounce any temptation to assume that I am better than others, and it inspires me to demonstrate grace as well.
The thought that people didn’t care about us was constantly reinforced by the actions of others. My heart became like a broken bone that never set properly. It stopped working correctly and healed around bitterness, instead of forgiveness.
There was a time in my life when I literally hated the sound of my name. Somewhere, in the dark corridors of my mind, I created a story of shame. The story of shame included the sound of my name.
I rushed home, buried my face in my pillow, & began to cry... I felt as if I was losing control. I felt alone. I felt less-than. I felt shame. I wasn’t supposed to feel this way. Why me? I was trapped in a shell of perpetual fear.
... for a brief moment, I experienced the agony that Jesus felt as he carried the weight of our sin to the cross. I felt waves of sadness, heartache, and disappointment... Yet, at the same time I was overtaken by a Tsunami of love…..
Shame is an enemy that you can’t ignore.....
I am loved. I am forgiven. I am redeemed. My life has meaning. My life has purpose. I am not a mistake. I am not my past. My best days are yet to come. God is not finished with me. He has my heart and I belong to him.