Anxiety is a hideous beast that I’ve previously overcome. Prior this episode, I hadn’t had a full-blown anxiety attack for years. Somehow, this one snuck into my peaceful existence and created quite a disruption.
The urgency to make a decision became louder by the minute. I hadn’t yet settled on a response and didn’t know how to go about it. Any decision would be difficult. There were two paths that lay before me. Both were difficult to face.
Explaining that you are experiencing grief over something that you’ve never had is a hard thing for many to understand. However, this is my reality, and it’s one that becomes more intense as the years pass me by.
My life has been filled with people who have “lovingly” tried to tell me “how to feel”, “when to feel”, and “what not to feel.”
Here I am, struggling, but choosing to live the best life that I can, despite my circumstances. Here I am, grateful for everyone, and everything, that I do have. I am appreciative of the many, many blessings provided just for me.
I remember that for several weeks I found myself telling God that there were specific things that I had been praying about for years that he had never answered. I found myself telling Him that I was unwilling to take any steps further until I saw that He was willing to answer my prayers
I had never witnessed death knocking at the door of someone’s life before. I was also very clueless as to how ugly and cruel death could be.
My desire for each of you, is that you would love yourself, regardless of where you are currently at in your journey. My prayer is that you would not allow life’s embarrassing moments to define you. No circumstance, relationship, decision, or lack of movement should have the power to define you. Own where you have been. Own where you are going. Own your choices. Own it all!