I spent a good part of my life following Jesus, not because I loved him, but because I was scared of what might happen to me if I “messed up”
From the age of 17-20, I was extremely suicidal. Most people were unaware of this because I hid my inner turmoil behind a big smile. But the pain was real and it eventually became more than I could bear…..
All healthy relationships make space to engage in a balance of conversation that celebrates good and that confronts the bad.
I don’t share this out of spite, unforgiveness, or to give anyone a bad name.
Nor do I share this to gain attention or sympathy.
I share because for years I allowed the influence of others to silence me.
I share this because I traded the narrative of truth for a false narrative of positivity.
I share this because there were points in my life where I believed that I was better off dead than alive.
As I’ve worked through my trauma, one of the common phrases that I’ve heard people say is, “You need to get over it already.”
However, there is no way to “get over” trauma.
You see…..trauma isn’t an event….
Trauma is something that happens inside of you.
I didn’t grow up observing this day. On the contrary, I grew up in a fundamentalist vacuum that frowned on anything having to Easter due to pagan influences on the traditions surrounding this day. As I broke away from my restrictive upbringing, I remained open to the over-the-top Easter performances/productions that were a main staple in the new world that I called home
𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐧’𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐚 𝐜𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐜𝐡 𝐛𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐚 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐫….
…. 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘭𝘺, 𝘐’𝘮 𝘵𝘳𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘪𝘨𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘐 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵.