Overcome with hopelessness and shame, I nervously paced each room of my empty house. The only thing louder than the desolate silence were the thoughts that came across my mind.
Never in my most grandiose imagination would I have thought that going for prayer walk would lead to me almost being arrested. Yet that’s exactly what happened.
As we traveled back home, I couldn’t help but be grateful. A few years back, I wouldn’t have imagined that we would have made it to see our 15th anniversary. We both were broken, hurting, discouraged, and drifting apart. Nevertheless, Jesus had other plans for us.
I was aware of her traumatic childhood. I was also aware of how it had impacted her life. Her father was extremely abusive to her mother and to the family. In fact, she bore a small scar near her eye from a brick that her father had flung at her when she was little. Her experiences caused her to be abrasive in her interactions at times. She could be distrusting of people and it took a while to gain her trust.
As much as I might criticize my friend’s husband, the truth of the matter is that I too struggle with arrogance and pride. I too have a propensity to throw fits of cataclysmic proportions when things do not go my way. No matter how much I would like to deny it, I have a tendency to try to control people and situations through manipulative behaviors. Although, I have surrendered this vice to God, it still beacons for my attention.
… for a brief moment, I experienced the agony that Jesus felt as he carried the weight of our sin to the cross. I felt waves of sadness, heartache, and disappointment… Yet, at the same time I was overtaken by a Tsunami of love…..
My desire for each of you, is that you would love yourself, regardless of where you are currently at in your journey. My prayer is that you would not allow life’s embarrassing moments to define you. No circumstance, relationship, decision, or lack of movement should have the power to define you. Own where you have been. Own where you are going. Own your choices. Own it all!