It’s not everyday that I find an inebriated man laying his hands on me, and praying over me. Nevertheless, this was the exact situation that I found myself in while on a business trip in Farmington, NM.
The proposition was a simple one. The church needed both a janitor and an associate pastor. Unfortunately, they could only afford to hire one. I could tell that the pastor was trying to sell me on the arrangement, but his efforts were pointless. I had my mind made up before any attempt to convince me was made.
All six of them stood before us, that day, all in a row. We all knew what was coming and it wasn’t good.
I hated these moments and had witnessed them one-too-many times. I never understood why the congregants allowed this archaic practice to take place. Were all of them too fearful to stand up and do something about it?
“Go to the office right now!”, he yelled at me. His faced radiated with redness, as his voice embodied the rage he held inside. There was no doubt that he was angry, and I, a mouthy-relentless-teenager was the object of his anger. “Get out!”, he yelled again, as he pointed his finger to the doors of gym.
As much as I might criticize my friend’s husband, the truth of the matter is that I too struggle with arrogance and pride. I too have a propensity to throw fits of cataclysmic proportions when things do not go my way. No matter how much I would like to deny it, I have a tendency to try to control people and situations through manipulative behaviors. Although, I have surrendered this vice to God, it still beacons for my attention.
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it is every believer’s liturgical nightmare to lose their elements while partaking in this sacred sacrament. Sadly, this is exactly what happened to me, this last Sunday, as my communion wafer slipped out of my hands and rolled across the auditorium
I have a history of giving into shame. She’s a beast and my natural tendency is to let her have her way without putting up much of a fight. However, in that moment I felt something that I had not felt in a very long time...
From the moment that I lied..., I felt shame and regret. I have yet to attempt to tell a lie that didn’t leave me feeling the same way. As I’ve journeyed through life, I’ve come to the conclusion that that I don’t want to live under a cloud of shame.
When I reached the top of the climb, I took a moment to view the scenery and admire God’s creation. As I took a deep breathe, I made a decision to forgive myself.
The urgency to make a decision became louder by the minute. I hadn’t yet settled on a response and didn’t know how to go about it. Any decision would be difficult. There were two paths that lay before me. Both were difficult to face.
Explaining that you are experiencing grief over something that you’ve never had is a hard thing for many to understand. However, this is my reality, and it’s one that becomes more intense as the years pass me by.
My life has been filled with people who have “lovingly” tried to tell me “how to feel”, “when to feel”, and “what not to feel.”
Here I am, struggling, but choosing to live the best life that I can, despite my circumstances. Here I am, grateful for everyone, and everything, that I do have. I am appreciative of the many, many blessings provided just for me.
For years, I gave people the power to define masculinity for me. This confused the heck out of me. Truth is, I’ve been given an example of who I want to model my life after….
I remember that for several weeks I found myself telling God that there were specific things that I had been praying about for years that he had never answered. I found myself telling Him that I was unwilling to take any steps further until I saw that He was willing to answer my prayers